Preventing Stagnation of Gratitude in Relationships

 It’s incredibly common for people to lose sight of just how lucky they are for friendships, family, co-workers, and romantic partners. There is an element of stagnation where we get so used to having these people, we forget to be grateful. Which considering the nature of life and that it can be taken away at any moment, it is such a shame that we let any amount of time pass without showing gratitude to the people who grace our life. 

I am definitely guilty of this myself, I think it’s partially due to the way I was raised in which affirmative and physical affection weren’t consistently shown and also the fact I have not lost many people who I am deeply connected with compared to the inevitable amount of loss that is in store. 

Whether it’s your coworker who grabs you a coffee, or the person you share your entire life with, there is a need to remain actively grateful for both you and them. 

By showing them gratitude, it not only makes them feel good, validated, and seen but it also strengthens the friendship. They are reminded how much they mean to you and how there is space for vulnerability and emotional intimacy. 

It is also good for you because you can exist in full knowingness that you are upholding your side of the relationship with the highest level of respect, which can easily be accessed through gratitude. 

There are many ways to remind yourself to tap into gratitude in your relationships. Here are a few:

• make it a point to compliment them within the first five minutes of interaction - this will help you notice things you like about them

• send them a text when you are thinking of them - this allows an action for every moment you consider them 

• thanking them anytime they help you no matter how big or small the help - the more frequently you have to thank them, the more you see they offer 

• in times of conflict or irritation, actively tell them how much you appreciate the things you do like about them - this reminds you of the good even when it’s bad 

• remind yourself everyday life is temporary and that each day could be the last for anybody - live everyday as your last is beneficial for showing love to those who matter 

If you find resistance in doing these things, it could indicate a deeper belief system that prevents true appreciation and connection within your relationships. It could be a fear of intimacy due to a fear of getting hurt, a feeling of being unworthy of such good relationships, a desire to keep a higher ground over people or a competitive compulsion, etc. 

In which case, it is even more important to attempt to heal those within by doing work for whatever core problem there is as well as doing the gratitude exercises as often as possible. 

The reality is, nothing lasts forever and if you have good people in your life, that is something you deserve to celebrate and feel joy over. Do whatever you can to get yourself in the place of grateful appreciation and you’re life will only benefit. 

- Dani 💚💙