The "Let-Them" Theory by Mel Robbins

Recently when talking to my mom, she mentioned that she is living by the "Let Them Theory", which refers to a new book by renowned writer, Mel Robbins. Below is a brief, AI summary incase you haven't heard of it:

"Let Them" by Mel Robbins refers to a mindset concept where you actively choose to "let go" of trying to control other people's actions, opinions, and choices, instead focusing on managing your own reactions and finding peace by accepting situations as they are, essentially freeing yourself from the stress of trying to change others; it's a core principle in her book "The Let Them Theory" where she outlines how to apply this approach in various aspects of life to achieve greater personal wellbeing and freedom. 

Focus on your own control:

The key idea is that you can only control your own actions and reactions, so by saying "Let them," you are choosing not to be consumed by trying to influence others. 

Reduces stress and anxiety:

Letting go of the need to control others can significantly alleviate stress and anxiety that comes from trying to manage external situations. 

Improves relationships:

By accepting people as they are, without trying to change them, you can foster healthier and more positive relationships. 

Empowers personal growth:

When you stop focusing on others, you can devote more energy to your own personal development and goals. 

How to apply "Let Them":

Recognize when you're trying to control:

Be aware of situations where you might be attempting to influence others excessively. 

Mentally say "Let them".

When you catch yourself trying to control something outside your power, simply say "Let them" to yourself as a reminder to step back. 

Set boundaries:

While letting go of control, it's still important to set healthy boundaries to protect your own well-being.

I generally agree with any practice that opts towards using personal empowerment to relinquish people's negative influence on you and I personally love Mel Robbins.

After a month and half of a particularly hard heartbreak and the past 48 hours in which 4 different people let me down substantially, I think back to the conversation with my mom. She mentioned the ways in which people in her life have been doing things that don't align with her desires but that she's happier than ever because she is simply letting go of control and letting them.

Funnily enough, partially a courtesy of my mother who up until this point demonstrated a consistent need for control, I have control issues. It's a mix of being raised by her, my natural leadership skills and intuition, and my motivation to create change- I typically have an instinct to confront and firm-hand situations. 

Hell, making this blog and platform after my heartbreak was a way to change my situation and get my mind off of the pain. I literally created all of this out of a need to control my life. However, with the past 48 hours having steady disappointments from people who I relied on and noticing how I forgive them and move towards solutions... I, too, apply the "Let-Them" theory without even realising it.

In fact, the only reason 4 people let me down in sequence was because of it. And how that means I need to apply it even more.

The first one was a guest who decided to cancel day of (two days before my deadline), I told them it was fine and searched for another guest to come in that day or the next. 

The second person committed to the podcast the following the day and did a no-call, no-show. Yeah, I had the entire studio set up, cameras and mics on, 24 hours from my deadline and she didn't do me the courtesy of letting me know prior. When she finally did message me, though so much of me wanted to bitch her out and inform her about how costly her inconsideration was, I showed mercy. I sent her love in her situation and I moved forward to another solution. 

I had another podcast episode pre-recorded so I decided I would edit and use that one, well, upon opening it I realised that the guest, the third person, who confidently changed the microphone settings insisting he knew what was best, sabotaged his own audio while mine was perfection. As a host of a podcast, it wouldn't look well from me to sound crisp and clear while my guest who had spoke about many serious things sounded as if he had no proper equipment at all. The instant regret and let-down that I trusted someone to alter the equipment and create more and expensive work for me (for the second time) was rough.

So, again, not wanting to control, not wanting to allow it to beat me, I messaged the fourth person asking for help on how to fix the audio, as he is an audio engineer I had been close to since 7th grade. Well, he couldn't spare 2 minutes to answer my questions that day, being the second time he had agreed to help as a professional and a friend, but then deciding not to.

It's funny how sometimes the "Let-Them Theory" requires even further application. I need to let those two podcast guests sabotage their chance to work with me. I have to let my guest know he messed with his own audio. I have to let that sound engineer lose my professional respect and my friendly trust. Instead of trying to fix their mistakes and coddle them, I have to let it be and handle my own lane.

So, today I have to upload and have no real upload in-sight. I put out an ad looking for a last minute guest, emphasising that there can be absolutely no chance of cancellation, and I have two back-up solutions incase no one shows up.

But, in conclusion, I think this theory is incredibly beneficial and I hope you see some value in it as well.

- Dani 💙💚