Living Intentionally as a Parent

 This post is long overdue and perhaps I had procrastinated writing about it because I knew the importance of how I show up for this one. I never want to get into how people should parent their children because truly, it’s none of my business unless it’s made to be my business. I am not a professional child psychologist or anything of the sort. So, if you are looking for a how-to guide on how to raise your children, this is not it. 

Living intentionally as a parent. This is a how to be intentional for yourself in the face of the selfless existence of parenthood. 

When becoming a parent, you suddenly are hit with the undeniable fact that your life has completely changed. You are now a responsible party for how an entire human(s) are raised. The weight of the responsibility is crippling. The daily routine is exhausting. The years of self-sacrifice are unwavering. 

How can you live with intentions for yourself if your everyday is living for someone else? 

I’ve written in previous blog posts that the realistic element to this practice is acknowledging the limitations of obligations and responsibilities. There are circumstances in life that you simply cannot just walk away from. You have to figure out ways to build an intentional and fulfilling life around them. 

As a parent who is constantly giving for the sake of love and devotion, you deserve to have a life filled with passion, adventure, and peace. It doesn’t matter if you only have partial custody or if you have full custody all day everyday. You not only deserve fulfillment, but you need to prioritize it. 

Studies show that a parents’ personal satisfaction as a huge effect on the wellbeing of their children. Click here and here for more information on that. That being said, it is not selfish to prioritize your own wellbeing, it is an act that will improve everyone involved. 

I am a full time parent and I homeschool. I parent everyday all day. This was my choice. I wanted to homeschool and stay at home because in my own pursuit of intentional living while starting a family, I set the goal to do so. I am very blessed in being able to do what I set out to do and everyday I find fulfillment in that. 

However, it’s tough. I simply have proportionally less time (and money) to myself than a parent who does not homeschool. I am 6 years into it and I can testify the lasting effects of this long term haul are daunting. But, everyday, I show up mindfully with the intention of making it work. Doing what I need to for my son all while maintaining my mental/physical health and pursuing a fulfilling life. 

I set up daily routines that work for my circumstances. I will not claim that my routine is superior and should be applied to anyone else. In fact, I am constantly fine-tuning and changing mine. But, it works for me. I dedicate the mornings to slow starts for me and my son, I clean the house, get us set up for the day, and establish what needs to be done. By noon, we shift to schooling, as he works, I work. Towards late afternoon, he is done with school and can play while I do more dedicated work and self-focus. Yoga, art, dancing this is when it happens after or in between work depending on the workload of that particular day. My partner gets home and either we do family time or I go out to have my own life. And those are just the typical days, luckily because of homeschooling, there are days my son and I go out and see people, go on adventures, and do things to our own satisfaction. 

Now, as for the things outside of the daily routine, I’ve managed to go to music festivals and out-of-town trips and vacations one or twice the year. I prioritize doing so either solo or with my partner. My son stays with family and we do our own thing. 

From the micro of making time to dance, do yoga, and go out daily to the macro of planning trips for myself during the year, I prioritize my values and fulfillment around the obligations of parenthood. 

I am privileged in having a partner and having family who can watch my son. So, if that is not your case, please know I recognize the difference. 

It is about figuring out solutions that work with your own circumstances. 

I know single parents who rely on friends or babysitters, I know others who include their children on their adventures. Some utilize camps and organizations while others create a parenting village.

Through mindful contemplation, a solution can be found regardless of the situation. 

The important thing is to know you deserve personal fulfillment each and everyday, you have to set up time for yourself. Don’t allow parent-guilt to trap you into thinking you must exist for your children every moment of everyday. You’re own satisfaction has a huge effect on your kids, you deserve happiness, and you must make it a personal mission to carve your own joy around being a parent.

Take a breath, you are doing great.

- Dani 💚💙