Healing Your Shadows

We understand what they are, we have addressed them, we have worked on understanding them… now, how do we heal them?

It’s important to preface this by saying two things; healing is not linear and you cannot rush it. 

The reality is, the deeper the wound of the shadow, the more it affects every part of us. It, in a way, is part of our being. Healing does not mean eradicating its presence, but more learning to live and grow around it without granting it the power to affect us negatively. There will still be times you feel it ache, but it simply will not have the power to do anything outside of the ache. But, it may take time. 

There are tons of resources on how to heal your shadows. The journals I mentioned in previous posts have prompts to make peace with them, you can sit and meditate on the shadow, allow yourself to feel it, write a letter to your past self, talk to a therapist or a friend, or there is alternative healing such as reiki or psychedelic therapy. 

What you choose to do is ultimately up to you. I recommend really feeling it though. Really sit and let the emotions exist in the space for a moment and then decide what avenue you want to take. 

Then, once you have collected yourself, reflect on what you have learned and how the shadow negatively affects your thinking, feeling, decision making, and behaviors. And make the mindful intention to take what is positive, and leave the rest. 

Going back to my example of seeking love/validation and looking for a savior - that has consequently done both good and bad in my life. 

The good is that it allowed me to be kind and it pushed me to a point where I felt like I needed to be ethically good because then there would be no excuse for people to not like me. And I am thankful for that! My baseline is kind and good, even if the source was in seeking approval. 

The bad is that I felt such a chase for the parental love out of instinct that was then projected onto everyone else, I felt a desperation to be perfectly ethical and appease everyone. Which is impossible. I was constantly feeling disappointed and stressing why people didn’t like me when you literally cannot make everyone happy. I was uploading myself to a standard that was not only unrealistic, but also straight up bonkers. In addition to that, I chased friendships and loves that I should not have. Whether they didn’t respect me or they weren’t even someone I should associate with, I still felt like I needed to earn their affection. One in which impacted my life severely for ten years. 

Though, I am not going to be a perfectionist with it and expect validation in return anymore, I will take the ability to be nice and moral with me. That is an incredible thing to embody and I’m grateful for that. I am also leaving the attachment to negative relationships behind as that has hugely affected me and I cannot give it that power. 

The seeking to be saved? Well the good is that I can accept help. The bad is that I can fall into victim mentality. I’ll take the that I can accept help and implement it WHEN I TRULY NEED HELP. But, moving forward, when I feel the desire of having someone “save” me, I will remind myself that I do not need saving and I can implement the change needed myself. 

I will set the intention to shift these things in my mindset and behaviors. I will no longer allow that shadow to run the show. And that is healing.

Shadow work is deeply emotional and I commend you for being on this journey. It is not easy but these shadows have huge effects on our quality of life. You will have a much harder time aligning yourself with your dream life if you have these secret shadows yanking at the wheel. You deserve to be liberated and I believe in you. 

- Dani 💚💙