Today is my 29th birthday!

 Today, I am 29. It seems hard to believe because I feel like I was just 15 working as a cashier, learning to drive, walking around my neighborhood with my friends… and yet I am nearly twice as old as that now. 

I am watching a lot of my peers struggle with being 30, it does seem like there is a common idea that the 20s are your youthful prime and somehow 30s is the beginning of the end. I can’t say I believe that myself anymore, though the idea that if I were to live the span of my whole life again, I will be 60 and that does make my stomach drop a bit.  

Getting old and the worrying feeling about it is certainly tied to the natural fear of death. Even for the healthiest and most strong of people will die of old age. And as every year passes quicker and quicker, that uncertain end approaches.

There has been times when I feel very accepting of life’s temporary nature, I feel confident with a life after death and I feel peace. There are other times in which I feel fear in the concept of not truly knowing, a dark void or abyss, and the fact the day can come anytime or is approaching with everyday spent barely living at all. 

Today, I’m 29. I feel good about it. I still feel a wave of fear with the passage of time and inevitable death. But, I feel good about how I am leaving my 20s. A beautiful son, a nearly decade long relationship, a budding podcast and platform meant to help people, funny friends, a sense of wonder and disciplined and an awareness of myself and others that allows me to see the good in others.

I entered this decade not knowing how to get the life I wanted truly, but I have managed to do it. So, I can only imagine what this next year will have in store. 

- Dani 💙💚