Don't be so defeated by problem that you become part of it

 Yesterday, I experienced something so disheartening and so frustrating that I feel the need to blog about it and process.

We have a neighbour who constantly takes trash out of her car and her parking space and throws it in our alleyway - I only know this because my 6-year-old son saw it and was upset by it. 

I had a conversation with her about it and she explained that she had contacted the police about people littering, they refused to monitor the alley or do anything about it, and she became so frustrated that she just throws it in the alley. I told her that we've been in the talks about doing a neighbourhood watch and because our windows face the street, I watch the alley and that we are trying to combat littering so it would be great if she didn't do that and I offered to pick up her trash if she doesn't mind me being in her space and near her car. She mocked my offer, refused to take accountability that she was perpetuating the issue, and continued to try to justify herself. I validated her, reassured her I am just trying to come up with a solution, and tried to come to a good agreement but I ultimately had to walk away while she continued pinning her littering on other people.

When sharing this story, a few people mentioned that she probably fabricated the part about going to the police and "giving up" but in reality, she just litters. Which is very possible as I do have a hard time processing how someone goes from actively combating littering to doing it herself. 

Either way, I walked away frustrated in the lack of proper resolution and disbelief that she did not recognise how she became part of the problem. And worse than that, she had an opportunity to take part in a solution and feel opposed to it.

Listen, I get it, some problems seem so impossible that you do feel like you have no choice but to give up. I remember when I wanted to get into zero waste so I attempted to take all unrecyclable plastic waste and repurpose it. However, as I had a newborn, it quickly went back to just going in the trash. Even as a perfectionist, even as someone who aims to live intentionally, there are some things that require compromise.

But, when faced with a solution that is doable, when having someone come to you to ask for help with the doable solution, do not surrender to the problem. And most definitely, don't become part of the problem.

Even if the problem requires you to acknowledge that you cannot change it, be neutral, but don't feed into it. That only makes everything worse.

So yeah, yesterday's experience was a bummer. We've gotten friendly with most of our neighbours and I really did approach this situation with as much kindness, receptiveness, and proactiveness as possible. It was really disappointing to have had to walk away with no respect returned.

But, I've learned from it, I can use it to mention the importance of not becoming part of a problem, and now I can just continue to show her kindness by helping her properly manage the trash.

- Dani 💙💚