Navigating Your Thoughts

One of most important aspects of Realistic Intentionality is learning to navigate your thoughts to suit you. 

The reason I write “navigate” your thoughts as opposed to control or change or all together silence is because I truly don’t think those are realistic expectations. As a compulsive thinker myself, I’ve realized that though you can control your daydreams, circumstances can change your thinking, and meditation can sometimes grant you silence, throughout the entirety of a day, it would be exhausting to attempt to do any of those consistently. 

Listen, the mind likes to fire off bullshit non-stop and it affects our entire operating system. It’s just the nature of the thing. 

Mine for example, likes to compulsively daydream about things that give me dopamine, anxieties that give me cortisol, and distractions that well, distract me. The dopamine daydreams make me want to pace my house and just daydream all day which makes me not in the present. The anxious thoughts destroy my nervous system and make me want to hide out which makes me feel like shit. And the distractions make me do things that pull away from my purpose which does not bring me joy or accomplishment. 

Notice how the thoughts cause a chemical effect which changes my actions and decisions which ultimately affect my emotional wellbeing. 

We want to be able to be mindful and present with our thoughts so we can decide if they suit us or not. Then we can navigate what we do with them. Having them unchecked will create disorder in your operations that will not suit your efforts to improve your life. 

For example, though daydreaming is enjoyable for me and it is a good reminder of the things I want (which is beneficial if one is still searching for direction), I don’t need to be in that headspace for more than a moment. I need to be present with my son and my projects and passions. So, I acknowledge the minds attempt to pull me from the present, I consider if the content matter of that daydream was something I should implement or strive for if I haven’t already or if it just doesn’t align/is realistic and I move on. Sure, it will try to happen again, but I’ll just move it along when it does knowing what I know about it. I won’t allow myself to exist in that headspace unless I set aside time to do so (daydreaming can power creativity and purpose after all). 

Anxiety is such a tricky one for me. With my compulsive thinking, in 2023, I developed severe chronic anxiety that existed from my mind to body to spirit. I had a traumatic event that shook me to my core and I internalized with fear from it.  My anxiety felt like physical pain and I ended up having tons of medical testing trying to prove it wasn’t just my mind- but the reality is, the traumatic event was a medical event of a loved one and my mind was processing it through worrying about my own health and bodily sensations. It was in fact, my mind. 

I had to relearn all my thought training/navigation methods and rebuild my entire thought process after that trauma had hijacked my mind. Every time I had an anxious thought, instead of being convinced it was intuition telling me something was wrong, I had to recognize that it was a meaningless thought generated from my fears/trauma and that it didn’t serve me and do the opposite of what it wanted me to do. If I had a thought that I would wreck my car if I drove to my plans, instead of canceling and staying home, I reassured myself that I would be fine and I can drive extra carefully and mindfully. By continuously doing this over and over again, overtime I rewired my thinking where existence felt normal (for the most part) again. Now, this wasn’t that long ago so I still have moments of anxiety. Just last night I felt anxious about driving to the poetry workshop I looked forward to all week, my mind tried to suggest I stay home as if it’s a sign I would die if I went, but instead, I went. And guess what, I am fine and writing this blogpost today. The anxiety only lasted for 20 minutes tops and my life and mood outside of that 20 minutes was not affected. 

Sure bad things happen, but rarely do they happen in the form our anxious worries try to convince us of. We cannot control the random unfortunate events, but by being mindful in every moment that we are trying our best, at least we know we are doing everything we can control. We are mindfully driving carefully which increases reaction time rather than spacing out and not noticing the red light. We are walking at night in the lights being sure to notice any movement and we have some form of self protection ready. Anxious awareness is a survival mechanism after all when used logically at your own will. 

Mindfulness provides us with the reassurance that we are showing up in the best state we could be in regardless of what unfolds, which is all we can truly hope for in a world with an unpredictable nature as this. 

Now, the annoying little bugger that is distractions. Much less overcoming than the previous two, distractions come and grab you in an instant. You notice or think of something and instantly feel compelled towards something you hadn’t planned. Now, I’m a go with the flow kind of person. When I clean my house it’s very rarely in a particular order. I see a mess and I clean it. I bounce back and fourth and get it done. 

Distractions are just pointed awareness towards something outside of your current directive. Awareness isn’t necessarily a bad thing. 

The key is to analyze it quickly. Is this thing you are now noticing:

• Something that needs immediate attention (a fire, someone unwell, a leaking pipe, etc.)
• Something that needs attention later (an unorganized cabinet, an unfinished email, etc.)
• Something you would like to give attention to (a video game you forgot about, remembering a new cafe down the street, etc.)
• Something that would be best not engage with (a text from a toxic ex, drugs or alcohol your trying to to partake in, a partner’s phone left unlocked, etc.)

Now, it could be more than one of those but ultimately the thing to figure out is if this thing needs your attention now, later, or at all. And this is up to you as an individual to iron out. Like some people when noticing an email they forgot to send would do better to stop what they are doing now and send it because they will continue to forget it if not. While others will never finish what they are currently doing if they stray back to the email. You need to address how to handle distractions with your own personal style, but by contemplating the necessity of them will help you at the very least sort out the ones that can wait or can be avoided all together. 

You choose what to do with your thoughts. They are going to be firing off all the time, that is inevitable, the mind is a thought generator, but you get to decide what to do with them. Throw them out? Save for later? Use them now? Do the opposite? You have goals and intentions set up for your life, you decide if the thought that is coming up aligns with your journey or not. 

(Just be sure not to completely suppress your humanity, it’s okay to put the vacuum down if a friend calls you up - a fulfilled life should still have fun surprises after all!)

• Dani 💚💙