Cultivating Discipline

Despite discipline being an integral part of success, my parents did not really prioritize intentionally teaching it. 

When trying to learn musical instruments, something I truly wanted to learn, I was often told that perhaps it wasn’t “my thing” and I should quit. This was ridiculous as most of the time when learning a new skill, it doesn’t seem good the first few months. It takes practice and education to become good at it. During sports I was often lacking proper practice and would fall short during games. I was ridiculed and it was insisted I was a creative not an athlete. I loved sports though and to this day, I embrace the chance to play. 

This pattern of using the false excuse of “not being meant” for something, caused me to never actually practice and improve the things I wanted to do. I didn’t learn discipline, therefore, I did not cultivate the skill of self-discipline. 

Sure, there are those who are naturally gifted and prodigies, there is no dismissing that. But truly, anyone can get talented at anything with discipline. I’ve seen people with no legs skateboard and artists who are blind paint gorgeous pieces of art. 

Growing into young adulthood, I chronically started things but never finished them. I had big dreams but never pursued them. In my early 20s I had a crisis in which I realized people looked at me as someone who talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk. I had no follow through (I still battle this perspective to this day.)

I spent years understanding my psychological blocks. The belief system of thinking you had to naturally excel from the beginning to do it, my compulsive perfectionism crippling me anytime there was a flaw, my tendency to start too many completely different projects and being unable to commit to one, and simply… not having the discipline to just do it… and do it… and do it again. 

Overtime, I noticed I could build habits. I made the bed every morning, I cleaned the house without dreading it, I stayed sober despite the appeal not to, I was finishing paintings and projects. I was able to know what I needed to do and could just do it. 

I wish I could tell you a bunch of life hacks like writing daily to-do lists and setting alarms on my phone made the difference. And sure, they were nice reminders. But, it was truly just being present and mindful. 

I mindfully reminded myself that the project was worth finishing. I stayed present with the process even if parts of it seemed sloppy or ill-conceived. I noticed when my mind would start making silly excuses and I did not give them any power. So often I would think, “this is a waste of time, it’s not turning out well”… but I continued and it got better. And when there were distractions, I mindfully reminded myself that I needed to be aligned with my goals, not my undoings. 

Discipline can be cultivated. There are endless books and videos with tips to work on it. And I highly recommend them, motivation and inspiration are incredibly potent, they can fuel your inner fire to accomplish your goals. But, here, it’s about mindful intention. Simply setting the mental intention to cultivate discipline and being mindful per moment that you are standing by that, can carry you exactly where you want to be. 

Learn to call your own bullshit. When you are making excuses, don’t give them power. Turn around and do the damn thing. When you feel like you suck and you will never succeed, remember that the only failure is not trying at all. When you feel unworthy for the beautiful things that call you, remind yourself they are calling you for a reason. 

Discipline is not a miracle, it is a muscle. It is time to get moving one momentary step at a time. 

• Dani 💚💙